Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding
by BadassGenius
Summary: Nothing lasts forever, you know it. I know it's not a good summary but i don't want to give too much away.


**Fandom:** Grey's Anatomy  
**Character: **Addison&Derek **Rating:** T  
**Status**: Complete  
**Disclaimer & Author's Note**: Characters and show belong to Shonda Rhimes . I wish Grey's was mine, things would be a lot different. The title is again a lyric from Shattered by Trading Yesterday. I love that song so freaking much and well, I'm not that good when it comes to title. So guys, I'm gonna warn you: this story is really sad, the saddest fic I've ever written. I've had this idea earlier this morning and well, it was supposed to be 500/600 words but then I got carried away. If you read this while listening to Shattered or Leaving out the rest or My Immortal, it will be even more intense. Then let me know if you liked it or not.

**Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding.**

You touch her silky rosy skin for the very last time. Her deep blue eyes are closed and you know that you'll never see them glowing every again. You're a doctor, you know that nothing lasts forever but you are not ready to say goodbye to her. Not yet. It's too early, you think. It's been three years since you held her in your arms for the very first time. You remember you were crying and so was your husband, Derek.

Melody Abigail Montgomery Shepherd was born three years, four months, twenty-two hours and sixteen minutes ago. This baby was your miracle, you are not supposed to have children but yet you gave birth to her. You remember everything about your pregnancy and according to you it's not painful as many women say. Actually, your pregnancy has been the best part of your life with Derek.

Now you're here, in this big old church holding your husband's hand. His hand holds yours tight, his hand is sweaty, yours is cold. You're both crying, looking at your daughter sleeping the eternal sleep in that tiny white coffin. The church is full, everybody used to love your Melody.

Her eyes are closed, her skin is cold. She used to be so warm, for God's sake. She's wearing her favorite dress, a red elegant dress. Your daughter always wanted to put it on when you two had special things to do. Her chubby arms on her tummy are holding a picture of the three of you together. You took that picture eight months ago; it was Christmas and she loved Christmas. She was wearing this red dress that day, too. You already know that Christmas will never feel the same again. Life will never feel the same again.

The priest is saying a lot of things you can barely listen to because you're feeling so bad, like you were about to pass out. Derek is now holding your whole body, he has a pretty tight grasp. You know he won't let you fall, you know you can count on him.

Leukemia, your doctor told you three months ago. That's the reason why she always felt weak and sick in the past few months. You and Derek brought your daughter to the best doctors all over the United States of America but she had a fulminating leukemia and there was nothing anybody could do.

You started falling apart that day. One of the two persons you loved the most was leaving you. You couldn't handle all that pain. You even tried to push Derek away. You knew it wasn't his fault but you were so angry that you had to blame somebody for this. He never got mad at you, he's been there for you all this time.

Derek whispers to your ear that the priest has just said that you two can kiss your daughter for the last time and then it'll be time to bury her. Can you believe that? A beautiful baby girl all alone underground. You can't handle it, you can't say goodbye to your daughter. You wish you were the one who died. She deserved to live more than you did, you think.

Your husband kisses Melody on the cheeks. They have the same black hair and the same blue eyes. She got the nose and the mouth from you, though. He caressed her forehead with his free hand; with the other hand he was holding your waist. You would have already fallen on the ground, if he wasn't holding you.

You close your eyes and then you kiss your daughter, first on her forehead and then on her cheeks. You caress her tiny body, the red velvet on her dress feels like blood under your fingers. You put her Teddy Bear a little closer to her, you want to make sure that she won't feel alone once buried. You tell her you love her so much, you tell her that she's the best thing ever happened to you, that you would trade place if you could. You look at her one last time and then you collapse. Your husband's strong arms hold you, he tells you to be strong but he's crying too. He's broken too. He wished he could die too. The coffin gets closed.

Your best friends put the little coffin on their shoulders and bring it to the cemetery behind the Church. The coffin gets lowered into the ground. You can't see it anymore. The red of the flowers and the white of the coffin are just a memory now. The choir starts singing those heartbreaking funeral songs you have never liked. You feel cold, you hug your husband and you look at him straight in the eyes: the vivid light they used to shine is gone. You have never seen him this shattered. He has never seen you this shattered.

You close your eyes for a second and you see her, you see your beautiful daughter waving at you. She is smiling, the picture of the three of you in one hand and her Teddy Bear in the other. You mentally say her that you love her so much, that she's the most important thing to you, that you'll never leave her alone.

Your heart starts beating faster, you start feeling weaker and weaker every second, you start sweating cold. You know what's happening, you can't breathe, you try to tell your husband but then you fall. For real this time. Your husband is still holding you in his big strong arms but you're gone. You have just had a heart attack. Your husband looks for your pulse but he can't hear a single beat, not even a weak one.

Two days later they put you underground next to your beloved Melody. You've always been a strong woman but this pain was too real and heavy to bear even for you. Biology decided for you. Now you're happy though, because you get to spend all your days with your daughter. There's only one thing missing in your life: Derek. You don't know that you'll have to wait fifty years to reunite with him. If you knew it, you wouldn't be scared because fifty years are nothing compared to the eternity you're going to spend together.


End file.
